


Lost and Found

by adanedhel



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Third Kinslaying, mention of ambarussa, mention of elwing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:48:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22883560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adanedhel/pseuds/adanedhel
Summary: When Maglor opened the door he found what he both expected and feared to find. Children. Young children. Curled around each other, clinging desperately in their fear and choking back their cries. They cringed and cowered back further into the corner when they saw him, and one of them hid their face in the other's shoulder. A heavy twinge of pain struck him in the chest when he realized they were twins.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 90





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> a snippet from after the 3rd kinslaying. i have a lot of heavy feelings about maglor and especially during this time, i wanted to get some of them out. i also wanted to just peek at the idea of a more aggressive maedhros, but grief softens a person.

He had tried to justify it to himself, again and again.  _ They will come back. They will heal, eventually. _ A luxury that Maglor would not have if he were to die with the oath unfulfilled. However, oath or no, he did not want to raise his hand against anyone else for a prize he no longer desired.

Before, he had tried to explain, he had almost begged Maedhros not to do this. But his brother was hard in his decision, and his younger brothers as well. They would follow Maedhros to whatever end, and so would he.

_ "I do not want to hurt, don't want to  _ kill _ anyone else." His usually strong voice had quivered, "Every life I take… I deserve even more the fate I try to avoid." _

_ "If they value their lives more than a jewel, they will surrender it. If not…" Maedhros shook his head, and a scarred lip curled into almost a snarl, "That is their choice to throw their lives away." _

He was right, after all, wasn't he? If they wanted to live, all they had to do was give them the Silmaril, and they would walk away. It would be so easy for them.

So why?  _ Why? _

Maglor leaned out over the balcony, grasping after Elwing. She jumped. He was not going to kill her (or was he?) but she had decided her fate for herself. It was only luck that the Valar took pity on her, gave her a form with wings to soar out over the sea and avoid the fate of the rocks and foam beneath her tower.

It was gone.  _ Again _ out of his reach, probably forever. The only thing between him and the end, stopping him from jumping next was his fear of the void. If not for that he would have released himself from this body, from this oath long ago.

Suddenly his legs gave out from under him, and he collapsed to the stone floor, shaking. A wail ripped from his lungs involuntarily, first with a burning rage, and then melted into a withered sob. His weak form trembled as he sat crumpled to the ground, unable to stop himself from weeping. Under this oath he could not live nor die. He was damned to a wretched existence of always  _ chasing _ and  _ grasping _ for something he did not truly want, or even deserve.

When his cries faded out to nothing more than soft, shuddering breaths he heard footsteps coming behind him, and found he had not the strength to even look up.

"Where is it?" Maedhros's voice was stone hard, bearing none of the care or compassion it would once have had upon finding his brother like this.

Maglor only shook his head, and weakly gestured over the edge of the balcony. He could not speak, not just yet. He was not sure how he would even explain.

Maedhros cleared the space to the edge in just a few hurried strides, and leaned out over, eyes scanning the roiling water. "We must get down there, and, and find--"

"No." Maglor shook his head again, and a new wave of tears gushed down his cheeks. "It is gone."

"Gone?  _ Where _ ?" Maedhros demanded as he took a looming step towards him, and he felt so small, where he was on the floor. And afraid. His brother's golden eyes seemed to sear through him.

"Across the sea, or beyond, brother, I do not know." Maglor's voice was now hoarse and quiet, "She has flown from our grasp, feathers and all."

Maedhros's face went through a range of emotions. Confusion, disbelief, regret, and settled on Anger. He screamed now, and gripped at his hair, storming back into the room where he started to kick and throw and punch furniture.

"For nothing! Yet again, all of this for  _ Nothing _ !" Maedhros smashed a vase, "Everything! Every drop of blood! Pityo, Telvo, it was for NOTHING!" He barked, and at the mention of the twins even his voice started to crack.

"Ambarussa!" Maglor suddenly remembered, panicked, yes, they had been a part of this as well, "Where are they?" He scrambled up from the floor and grasped onto Maedhros, who screwed his eyes shut and shook his head.

"No…" Maglor's hands suddenly had no strength, and they dropped to his sides. Again he started to cry. What was more important, their lives, their  _ families _ , or a jewel? He had asked himself that not so long ago, and failed to realize the same could be asked of him, and his brothers. The jewel had won. Again. “What else have we to lose?”

“Each other.” Maedhros came to him, and wrapped his arms tight around Maglor. It was an embrace he had not felt in a long time. Not since his brother was returned to him, shriveled and broken after being clutched in the hands of the Enemy. Maedhros had become so distant, but now...

This was all he had left. This one brother. Of all his family, every single one of them had died in the name of their father's selfish, foolish creation. In that moment, Maglor thought they must be sharing that realization. He leaned into the embrace, too exhausted to return it, but it was keeping him from collapsing again.

Perhaps the void would not be so bad. Even in rebirth he could not forget this pain. Even if some day they were all back together, every time he looked at any of them he would see nothing but a walking corpse.

Suddenly it came to Maglor's ears that there was a crying other than his own. Soft and shaky, and followed by softer hushes. He pulled away from his brother, and held a finger to his lips, and strained his ears to figure out where the sound was. Maedhros's brows furrowed, and he tilted his head, also trying to source the noise.

Maglor noted a closet door that was open just a crack, and took a step towards it. It was definitely coming from there. As he walked closer he could  _ feel _ the fear and anxiety rolling from it in waves. Whoever was in here was not a threat, and he withdrew his hand from the dagger at his waist that he had unconsciously reached for.

He put a hand on the doorknob, and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm the trembling of his body. When he opened the door he found what he both expected and feared to find. Children.  _ Young _ children. Curled around each other, clinging desperately in their fear and choking back their cries. They cringed and cowered back further into the corner when they saw him, and one of them hid their face in the other's shoulder. A heavy twinge of pain struck him in the chest when he realized they were twins.

"Oh, oh no…" He simply stood looking at them. If they had known, they wouldn't have… Not children. They would never have come here, not after  _ them _ . So he wanted to believe, but he knew he could not trust that was the truth.

"Nelyo." Maedhros was already beside him, standing and staring incredulously. He certainly wouldn't have. But now here they were, with two little orphans crying at their feet. Children  _ they _ had orphaned.

Or, no. The woman who jumped. They were here with her, obviously she was their mother. _She_ _abandoned them. She chose that forsaken jewel over her own children._ Anger flashed in Maglor's eyes for a fraction of a second, then fizzled out to disappointment. Was he not also guilty of this? He’d led his youngest siblings to their deaths for it on this very day. Maglor looked frantically between his brother and the frightened boys curled up in the closet.

"We cannot." Maedhros said, his voice soaked in guilt, "Look what we've done…"

"What we've done? What we've  _ done _ is destroy their home!"  _ And everyone in it, _ did not need to be said out loud.

"I will not-- They are-- No!" Maedhros seemed frantic now. Did he have no pity left in him?

"Where will they go? What will they do?"

"Kano, please,"

"You would do this,  _ again _ !?" Maglor grasped him by the shoulders, his deep voice finally regaining a bit of its strength. "Did you not search for them? For  _ weeks _ ? Here is your repentance, and you would leave them to the same fate?"

Maedhros was quiet for a long moment, before sighing, his posture wilting as the breath left him. "What care can I offer to them? What good have I left to give?" His voice, his  _ eyes _ , were more exhausted than Maglor had ever seen them.

"Nelyo, there is more good in you than you know. You just have to stop fighting it." Maglor smoothed a lock of hair away from Maedhros's face, and kissed his forehead.

He then turned to the children, who were still wide-eyed with fear and confusion, and crouched down. "Are you all right?"

They just stared at him, of course. A stranger that chased their mother over the edge of the balcony, and then stood screaming and crying for who knows how long. Not an easy person to trust.

Maglor's eyes softened, turned on the soothing voice that he used to use on his younger brothers and cousins, and gave the boys a small smile, "I won't hurt you. I'm here to take you some place safe." He held out his hands.

The children looked at each other, at Maglor, and then back at each other. They whispered for a moment, deciding what to do, he supposed.

The braver one, who had been hushing and not crying (so much) stood up, helping his brother to his feet, and standing protectively in front of him. Warily, he reached out a hand.

Maglor took it with the gentlest grasp; he vowed to himself that these children, no matter what, would learn to value family above all else.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!! any and all comments/feedback are appreciated, as always 💗
> 
> you can also find me on tumblr!  
> https://adanedhel.tumblr.com


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